3/17/10

The state of Florida is considering putting a law into action would strip teachers of their tenure, forcing teachers to be evaluated on a year by year basis (via standardized testing) to determine whether or not they’ll…ahem, we’ll, have a job next year. In other words, teachers would receive salary bonuses or be hired and fired based on their student’s performance on a test. I needn’t mention how absolutely fucked this plan is, but what the hell, may as well do so while I’m here, right?

Currently teachers, after their first three years of teaching, are no longer expected to sign a yearly contract. We have tenure or job security at that point. And as much as I may hate work, or may be disaffected by my current job, knowing that I have job security is nice. Though we are evaluated yearly by our higher ups, unless we are in that three year probationary period, our evaluations aren’t fodder for hiring and firing. That is unless you’re a huge ass that is highly ineffective. I’d like to think that I’m not a huge ineffective ass.

Therein lays the beauty of the administrative evaluation: the people currently evaluating us are people who, for better or worse, see us on a daily basis. They are people that can help us grow professionally in areas of deficiency. The academic coaches are there as well to lend even more professional support. In short, they do not foster a sense of competition; rather they are there to help us along the way. Don’t get me wrong, a crappy teacher is a crappy teacher, and maybe could or should be fired. Keep in mind though, as with any other business (yup, let’s not forget that the education system is a business) there are currently methods and means in place for hiring and firing. So why change things up? I’ve a few ideas that are fairly rational.

The state wants to save money, and they can effectively save a bunch of money if they only sign teachers to yearly contracts, and determine their effectiveness based off of some sort of standardized test. How? Simple really. Let’s look at McDonalds for example. McDonalds, over the years, has made a practice of relieving employees of their responsibilities when they get to a certain level where they’d potentially receive a raise. Financially speaking, McDonalds saves lots of money when they consistently fire old employees, and hire new ones. Fret not, they do pass the savings on to you one $.69 hamburger at a time. Something similar could potentially be put into place. Sure, under a model like this, tired or ineffective teachers would be weeded out and replaced with young, hungry teachers. But, at what cost?

Is firing a teacher based on how students perform really a means to an end? Maybe her/his students, for one reason or another bombed the test. Also, can an evaluation given in March truly be an accurate measure of what a student knows by the end of the year, three months later? Are those scenarios really something for which a teacher can or could or should control? Lest we forget, a child’s education is more than book knowledge. How can what a child learns be completely evaluated by something like a standardized test? Let’s face it, there are also some students that aren’t hard wired for academic or book knowledge, rather they’re (more so) hard wired for hands on or technical training. To that end, is it my fault when they don’t understand the concept of the Pythagorean theory?

Connected with this, the state wants to end the Class Size Amendment. Right now, I’m sitting pretty at twenty-three students. When I first started, I had thirty plus students. The Class Size Amendment did two things: it made teacher’s lives easier because it shrank the amount of students in any given class, and it opened the door to hiring new teachers.

Stripping this amendment would mean that less teachers would be needed, and those current teachers would be teaching more students. Now connect the two plans: with less teachers being hired, and with those that are currently hired staring down the barrel of a gun because of student’s performance, a new era of teacher versus teacher competition will be ushered in. It’s going to be a blood-bath! Teacher A competes against teachers B and C to prove that she/he is better, so that she/he doesn’t get fired.

To think I was worried that if all of this would come to fruition the union would speak up and quell our fears, reassuring us that everything will be OK. But, as with everything the Pinellas County Teachers Associations deals with, I’m sure they’ll drop the ball yet again as they haven’t really been seen fighting against the state as of yet. But at least I get the PCTA discount to Sea World. Maybe now is as good of time as any to move out of Florida.

3/12/10

I’ve not been sleeping well again. Usually anxiety keeps me up at night. If I happen to fall asleep, it’s a very shallow sleep where I’m offered no real rest at all. Now though, both my mental AND physical health are running me through the ringer. Does this make sense?

How can I put it to paint a better picture….It’s like, when you have the stomach flu. The vomiting is bad enough, but then you get the shits too. Oof. Even when my brain allows me the opportunity to sleep, my lungs won’t let me breath. They burn, they hurt, and they feel like Mike Tyson is using them as a punching bag. The doctor assured me that it’s just “allergies” but I’ve had too many upper respiratory infections, ear infections, and bouts of bronchitis to diagnose myself differently. Then again, he’s the doctor, and I’m…well me. Maybe I should fire the doctor? Then again, I went to the walk in clinic since my normal doctor was out of his office, knowing full well that this was a onetime occurrence. So I, in essence, did fire him. Take that Bayfront Critical Care Clinic!

As if the burning sensation in my lungs and the wheezing equitable to that of an overweight middle aged muumuu wearing, three pack a day smoking smoker wasn’t enough, the rogue phlegm that makes it way from my battled lungs to my throat makes it nearly impossible to talk or sing. Now that wouldn’t be that big of a deal if I didn’t have to talk all day everyday or sing for my band, but since I have to do both, well…things aren’t panning out so well right now. Plus, I’ve the lung capacity of an asthmatic 12 year old now, so I feel like that fish at the end of the Faith No More video that’s gasping for air.

Where was I? Oh yeah, no sleep for me. Yuck. I feel tired all day, and I’m sure that the fact that I can’t breathe in fully has a lot to do with that as well. It just, well, sucks. But what can you do besides take the medicine that the doctors prescribed and hope that things get better?

My biggest fear is that the doctor, well all of the doctors I’ve been to really, are prescribing medicine to treat the symptoms, while not even touching the problem. Sure, Flonase makes it easier to breathe, and the antihistamine makes me less prone to sneezing, wheezing, coughing, and the like, but are those things really helping my body to cope with allergies in the manner that it’s supposed to? And what happens if I don’t refill the prescription for one reason or another? All those symptoms (in the least) pop up again, and I’m back to being the mess I am right now. It’s all really frustrating. The last thing I want to have to take some chemical everyday to make me feel the way I’m supposed to, especially at the risk of developing even worse symptoms that some of the medicines may induce. And yet, life moves along.

So how exactly should I cope with these things naturally? I’ve been practicing vocal and breathing exercises, mainly for singing because let’s face it, I’m no Celine Dion. Though, these exercises may be able help me in other ways as well. An increase in lung capacity could, and I’m assuming, make it easier to cope when proper lung function decides to take a deviation from the norm. I’ve also been drinking chamomile-anise tea because it’s supposed to loosen up and calm the chest. The effectiveness, as of now, seems to be unseen. Here’s to hope though.

I’d be lying if I was to say that my physical health is the only thing keeping me up at night. I’ve so much anxiety, so much stress that I feel like I’m going to explode at any given moment.

Ever fear change? Maybe that’s not the best question. Ever fear the speed at which things change? Far be it from me to try to impede on the inevitable but damn, I wish things would change at a more reasonable pace. A pace that is more manageable…less panic inducing.

I feel like I am on the edge of a breakdown, especially taking into account work, my personal life, and the band. And again, it’s not the end result that scares the life out of me, rather the speed of the end result. I feel like I’m never prepared, and always struggling to keep my head above water.

I love my band, especially the position that we’re in now. No, we aren’t traveling the world. That would be incredible, but to me that’s a baby steps kind of progression, and that’s a position we aren’t in right now. I digress.

I love that the three of us work really well together. Conflict wise, between the core three of us conflicts don’t exist. Music wise, I find myself doing things that I’ve never done before, things that I’ve never had the wherewithal to do in other bands. The music is solid, and I’m excited to keep writing. Suffice to say I’ve not gotten in that spot where the only rational next step was to throw my hands in the air and call it a day. But soon Jeremy is moving to Asheville with his wife to be. She is going to start culinary school up there.

More power to them. They love each other and are excited to do something new. As with everything in life, risks need to be taken and they’re risking the comforts of home to do what they want.

Selfishly, I’m panicky about what happens to me after they leave. Am I going to be able to find someone to play music with? Will that person be as easy to work with? How will the dynamic change? Am I getting to old for this, and should I just hang it up and settle in? Am I really sounding like an asshole that’s concerned not for a friend, but rather myself?

As insipid as those questions may sound, they among the other million other random worries about other things greater or less than this quandary plague me daily and nightly. I guess I still can’t seem to get a grasp on this thing called life.